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  AMISH HEART AND SOUL

  PEACE VALLEY AMISH SERIES

  BOOK 2

  RACHEL STOLTZFUS

  Copyright © 2017 RACHEL STOLTZFUS

  All rights reserved.

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  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  EPILOGUE

  A WORD FROM RACHEL

  ENJOY THIS BOOK? You can make a big difference

  ALSO BY RACHEL STOLTZFUS

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  CHAPTER ONE

  In his barn, Caleb Miller strode back and forth as he struggled with his almost overwhelming anger. When traitorous thoughts of hitting Annie intruded, he squeezed his eyes shut and forced them out of his head. “Nee, Caleb. To do so would violate the Ordnung and you would get the Meidung.” After repeating this to himself several times, Caleb pulled in a deep breath and let it out several times. Looking down at his chest, he saw his shirt front moving rapidly up and down in time with his furious heartbeat.

  Realizing his techniques weren’t working, he reminded himself that the earnings from the Peace Valley Quilt Place were almost the only thing standing between his family and financial failure should a crop fail. Finally, he felt his thundering heartbeat beginning to slow down. Easing his head back, he let out a few more breaths and unclenched his hands. He hadn’t realized that they were so tightly closed, let alone that he had clenched them in his frustration. Shaking the cramps out, he talked quietly to himself. “Go back into the house. She and Naomi are making supper. She’s been home since dinnertime and ja, the house is clean. Go.” Finally, Caleb was able to exit the barn, feeling relatively calm. Walking into the house, he felt guilt twisting his gut as he saw Annie’s tentative glance at him.

  “Don’t worry, wife. I am fine. I just needed some time in the barn to calm down. I know you are right. I just have a hard time accepting that things, even here in Peace Valley, are changing.”

  Naomi spoke up. “Daed? Mamm did make me the store manager so she could spend more time at home. It’s working. She likes the work I’m doing and I am getting comfortable as manager.”

  “And you are making sure the shop is profitable?” Caleb mentally shook his head. That his own daughter should be managing a store at her age stunned him!

  Naomi’s smile was impish and sparkling. “Ja, it is. Mamm has been looking at the receipts and accounts. It helps that we know our customers and the women who make the quilts we sell.”

  “Okay, gutt. Now, I am hungry after spending all day long in the fields. I will be upstairs for a few minutes.”

  “Caleb, supper will be ready directly.” Annie’s voice was calm as she removed the biscuits from the oven. “Naomi, that was a good idea. Reminding your daed that the shop is making a profit helps him to accept the facts.”

  “Ja. Linda Yoder reminded me to use that fact every so often. I know he worries about the crops failing and that doesn’t help his state of mind. But mamm, he needs to accept that you aren’t going to sell the store eventually!”

  Annie made a shushing motion with one finger over her rounded lips. “Enough time for that in the morning, girl. Put the vegetables and potatoes on the table. When is the next meeting?”

  Naomi knew what Annie meant. “Our peer counseling group meets this Wednesday after supper.”

  “Denki. Okay. I’ll make something quick that your daed loves that night.”

  “And I’ll make that peach cobbler he loves so much.”

  Annie had enough time to smile at Naomi, then the recognizable sounds of Caleb coming downstairs grew louder. “Husband, supper is ready!”

  While they ate, Caleb questioned Naomi on what her work involved. “So, you get to supervise three other employees? Do they take your direction well?”

  “Ja, they do. If they don’t, they know mamm will discipline them or fire them. But not without a discussion first.”

  After the kitchen was cleaned and dishes dried, Caleb invited Annie to go for a walk outside. “It’s been a while since we’ve been able to connect with each other, because we’ve been so busy.”

  Annie was tired and wanted nothing more than to relax and read. But, knowing that their together times were rare, she smiled at him. Rubbing lotion into her hands, she made sure her prayer cap was straight on her head. “Naomi, we will be back before long. Stay at home!”

  “Ja, mamm. Jethro is working late, anyway. He has a late appointment with a customer who just got back into Peace Valley after visiting family in Colorado.”

  ***

  On their walk, Annie and Caleb discussed his attempts to get comfortable with her ownership of the quilt store. “Caleb, I know you have been struggling to accept my store. Does it help you, knowing that, if something goes wrong in our family, that the store will help us out financially?”

  “It does, ja. Not only if one of my crops fails, but if something happens to one of us, it will be there. What is this notion that Naomi has been taking about? Sexism. It almost sounds like something forbidden by the Ordnung.”

  Annie responded slowly and carefully. “Nee. Sexism is just an attitude that many people have toward others. Mainly from men to women. It forces women to deny themselves opportunities they should feel free to take. Like my store. At first, you didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Why, I don’t know. But quilting and merchandising are things I’ve been interested in since I was a teen. And, when I found out that the retail space was available, I took my savings and rented it. This was, oh, about two years before we got married.”

  Caleb remembered all of this. He nodded. “I don’t know why it began to bother me. I suppose it always did, in the back of my mind. If I’m honest, I have to say that it bugs me that I am not your only support. That you have another source of support out there.”

  Annie sighed. This was what she had been praying for. “Caleb. I won’t go into the worries about failing crops. We’ve talked that one to death. But what would I do if you were taken away from me? I pray every day that won’t happen, but what would I do to support myself and Naomi? I don’t want to have to accept charity, especially since I have knowledge and the ability to support us. Do you understand?”

  Caleb stopped in the road. This was something he had never thought about. He looked at Annie. Really looked at her, seeing her gentle, hazel eyes. He saw the intelligence that sparked within her being. Denki, Gott, for bringing this woman to me! “Oh. When you put it that way, I admit I never thought about it. I mean, I hope Gott won’t take me for a long time. You are right.” Reaching out, he snagged her hand, holding it within his own. Looking at Annie’s face, he saw her blonde hair, pulled into a strict bun at the back of her head. He smiled. “You are right. I am going to need some time to come to grips with the reality. I am doing my best, and I confess, I will have failures.”

  Annie nodded. Just as Caleb was regarding her, she really looked at him. Gazing into his gentle brown eyes, she sighed. “I know. I am going to say one thing. I have noticed that, when you spend time with one certain person in Peace Valley, you seem to be a little more. . . riled.” Annie gripped Caleb’s fingers more tightly. She knew she was running a risk here. Seeing an apprehensive look in his eyes, she licked her lips.
r />   “Who? Who are you talking about?”

  “Wayne Lapp. We all know the history he has. He has threatened force and actually hit Lizzie as he made her do what he wanted. I’ve seen the bruises on her face.”

  Caleb’s face twisted. As Annie brought up the beatings and bruises, he felt the knowledge twist in his gut. He knew she was right. But. . . “Well, how did she come to you for a job?”

  Now, Annie’s brow creased in confusion. “What? What do you mean?”

  “Did she go to you before she discussed her desire for a job with him?”

  Now Annie understood. “Nee! She told me she had discussed it with him and he told her that, while he didn’t like it, they needed the money at that time. He had been stiffed by an English customer who didn’t pay him for the furniture he made. And it was a considerable sum. They had taken out a loan for his carpentry tools and saws. He also needed a new gas generator to power the saws. And the payments were due and, without that payment. . .”

  “Okay. So, he knew before that she was going to get a job with you.”

  “Ja. It was only after he hit her that she quit working for me. And she hasn’t been back since, except to make the quilts and sell them on consignment.”

  “So, what about Wayne is bothering you?”

  “You come back all tense and snappy after spending time with him. It happens every time.”

  “Every time? Even after I’ve shared a table at lunch after services?”

  Annie nodded. “Even then. It’s like. . . I don’t know. Like he has a special talent for projecting his feelings onto you and maybe others around him. And

  . . .” Annie hesitated.

  “What? You might as well say it because now I am wondering.”

  “Just don’t get mad at me. This is only what I am picking up.” Annie let out a quick breath through pursed lips. Looking into the far distance, she worked her courage up. “I get the feeling that he has given you the idea to try and get physical with me.” She sidestepped, wanting to be out of his way if he reacted.

  Silence. Caleb stopped walking again. His mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to make his brain work again. “He. . . he believes that women belong at home. Ja, he has gotten physical with Lizzie. And. . . ja, he did suggest that I try the same with you. And then the elders intervened.”

  Annie had been praying that she wouldn’t hear this. Taking in a long breath, she stopped walking and put her hands over her face. Shaking her head, she tried to make herself accept that fact. “Caleb! And you tried to hit me with Naomi in the house?”

  Caleb was ashamed. Any anger he felt was directed at himself. “Ja. It was stupid. I know that now. It took the elders reminding me of everything I could lose. I am having a hard time with this, but I am really trying. I can tell you this. Right now, for today, I have made my peace with your store. I. . . it feels like a rival to me. And I have to start over at the beginning every day, making my peace with your store.”

  Annie listened to Caleb. He was telling the truth. She nodded. “Thank you for being truthful and honest. Ja, accepting my store is a daily thing, just like working at forgiveness.”

  “Will you forgive me?”

  “Caleb, you know I will. But I want you to promise me one thing. You can’t always avoid Wayne Lapp. But please, do not seek him out. If he invites you to their house, please come up with a reason you can’t go. I get a real bad feeling from him. Like something is wrong with him. His anger at Lizzie is sometimes all out of proportion to her old job at my store.”

  Caleb sighed. “Ja. But if I run into him, I will talk with him.”

  “Caleb, have you ever gotten the feeling that, maybe something is wrong with him?”

  “You mean, in his head? Nee, not particularly. Let’s walk some more before it gets too dark.” As Annie drew abreast of Caleb, he began walking again. He purposely looked at the beauty around him. The trees were becoming black outlines as the sun slowly sunk in the sky. The sky began to turn pink and purple. He stopped, taking in the view.

  Annie slowed down next to Caleb. She regarded the sunset and view around them. As she did, she felt her spirit calming. “Let’s go home, husband. I have some lemonade and shoofly pie in the refrigerator.” As they walked home, Annie felt a little more relief. They walked home in silence.

  As he walked alongside Annie, Caleb felt a little lighter. Truth was, he had been getting some strange, worrisome feelings from Wayne. “You know, when you say Wayne’s anger is out of proportion to Lizzie’s job, it almost feels like he is reacting to something that happened long ago.”

  “You mean, in his childhood?” Annie was confused.

  “Ja. As if he is remembering something from when he was a boy.”

  This worried Annie. “Caleb, when you said earlier that you never got the feeling something’s wrong with Wayne, did you not connect it to what you now feel he may be reacting to? From his childhood?”

  Caleb took several seconds to respond. “Annie, I want to be honest. But I like Wayne. After he and his family moved here, we became friends as children and have been so since then.”

  “Ja, I remember. You were teens. But. . .”

  “But, until you put your question as you just did, I never made the connection in my mind. When I met Wayne’s daed, I sensed the relationship was strained. He tried to stay away from home as much as he could, staying at our house for meals as often as he could. But I never cottoned onto anything his daed might be doing to him. That’s the only thing I can think it could have been. That his daed was disciplining him too much.”

  “Caleb, we don’t know very much about him. About his childhood. His mamm—she didn’t live with them by that time, did she?”

  “Nee, she didn’t. I understand from Wayne that she left when he was, maybe, nine, ten years old.”

  “Caleb. Mr. Lapp died several years ago, right?”” At Caleb’s nod, Annie continued. “So, we don’t know what led to Mrs. Lapp leaving. It could. . .”

  “Annie, the only thing I ever heard from Wayne about his mamm was that she took off in the middle of the night. He blamed her. . .”

  “For leaving all of the kinder behind?”

  “Let me finish, wife. Ja, that, but also for being the kind of woman she was.”

  “Ahhh! How frustrating!” By now, Caleb and Annie were back in their yard. Annie stalked toward the back of the house, not going inside. She didn’t want Naomi to hear this just yet. “Maybe she was that kind of a woman. But you’ve heard him say the same about Lizzie, Caleb! When he is ranting about her working at my shop, he is accusing her of making plans to leave him and this community. Nee, husband, please let me finish. I think he is expressing his fear that Lizzie is going to do to him what his mamm did to his daed and him.” Annie walked restlessly around the backyard. She really needed to walk off her head of steam! “What I am wondering is, whether Mr. Lapp abused Mrs. Lapp before she finally got scared or fed up and left. Maybe she intended to come back for the children. Or maybe. . .”

  “Maybe. . . what?”

  “She couldn’t. For whatever reason. And that is why Wayne stayed with his daed, feeling abandoned.”

  Caleb lapsed into silence, thinking. Well, on the face of it, that could be. It does fit. But until one of us can sit down with Wayne and get him to open up. . . . Wayne raised one finger. “Ja. I think what you say is reasonable. But until he is willing to speak about that time in his life, we can’t speculate. Nor can we gossip.”

  “Caleb! You know I wouldn’t do that! Nee. I want to think about this for a while longer. But I do think we need to share our thoughts with the bishop and the Yoders. On the promise that they will keep it strictly between the five of us. He does deserve that. I have seen him trying to work on his anger and how he tries to control Lizzie.”

  Caleb’s mind fixated on one word. “Five? Five people? Annie, you know how quickly that will become fifteen, then twenty-five?”

  “Not if we tell them in strict confidence, with
nobody else nearby. The elders have to keep confidences. So do the peer counselors. We can let them know that these are only private thoughts we have had because we haven’t been able to talk to Wayne. And that it is up to Wayne to confirm or deny.”

  Caleb nodded. “Ja, that is true. If we talk to them with nobody else around. . . . and that includes Naomi, Leora, Jethro and Vernon! Who else is in this group?”

  Annie named the peer group members, ticking them off on her fingers.

  “Huh. Okay. Well, don’t say anything to anyone until I have had time to think about it. You do realize we are going to have to find a way of talking to Wayne and trying to get him to agree to speak about his childhood.”

  “Ja, I know. And I think the ministers should guide us on that.”

  “That I agree with you on! We’d better get inside. It’s nearly bedtime and I’m sure Naomi is wondering where we are.”

  Inside, Naomi was washing her glass and plate. “There you are! I heard you talking in the backyard.”

  “Daughter, did you hear what we were talking about?” Caleb was worried.

  “Nee, I just heard your voices when you got back from your walk. I was upstairs and decided to have my serving of dessert with some iced tea. Would you like some tea?”

  “What, you mean I can’t have a serving of your mom’s delicious pie?” Caleb’s smile was teasing.

  Naomi, happy the mood was so relaxed, giggled. “Ja, you can! You work it off in the fields every day!” She cut a large slice of shoofly pie for him, then poured glasses of tea for all three of them.

  ***

  Several warm summer days slowly passed by, with Naomi becoming more comfortable in her managerial role at the quilt shop. Caleb mulled his discussion with Annie over in his mind. He wondered when it would be a good time for a talk with Wayne.

  CHAPTER TWO

  In the Lapp household, Lizzie and Leora hurried to put the finishing touches on supper. After removing the biscuits from the oven, Leora set the table and poured the iced tea as Lizzie took the Swiss steak, vegetables and mashed potatoes from the stove and set them all on the table. Lizzie looked at Leora and gave her a silent message and they heard the sound of Wayne’s footsteps on the back porch. Don’t say anything about the shop. Keep all our talk about home topics. Leora nodded quietly